Punished
by Hopeakaarme
Summary: Despite what Severus thinks, Sirius got punished extremely badly after the Willow Incident. Now, after Sirius's death, Remus decides to correct Severus's assumptions by showing him his memories of that time.SLASH SBRL and maybe RLSS
1. Something Wrong

Disclaimer: Nope, they're not mine.

A/N: I've already written a fic where Remus gets punished for the Willow Incident. So, it's certainly Sirius's turn now, although this won't go as far as **The Tale of Moony and Padfoot**.

WARNING: Implied SLASH RL/SB. (And maybe something else, too.

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Punished

Chapter 1

Something Wrong

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"What's wrong, Remus?"

The werewolf's eyes shot up to his companion as he heard this question. With a slight sigh, he replied, "Nothing... Why do you think something is wrong?"

Lowering his book, Severus watched him intently over it with his piercing onyx eyes. "I've come to learn that if a Gryffindor is quiet for five minutes, they're either asleep, unconscious, or seriously ill."

"Sorry. I was just thinking."

"See? Just what I said, seriously ill. Or should I say, 'seriously hurt,' instead? For thinking must really hurt you. After all, you're a Gryffindor."

"Oh ha ha. You're _so_ funny, Severus. Remind me to laugh." Despite his slightly depressed mood, Remus couldn't help but smile. He and Severus had become friends through the longest and most difficult way imaginable during the Second War. Nowadays, he was one of the very rare people Severus called by their first name - the others being Albus, Minerva, Poppy, and, rather surprisingly, Victoria Vector - but this hadn't stopped the insults and bickering between them. Other people watched their relationship in half amusement, half confusion, not knowing whether they hated or liked each other, and they fully intended to keep the others in confusion. It was much easier to them that way.

"Sure I will, my dearest friend. Unlike most people think, I actually have a sense of humour. It's maybe rather dark and twisted, but still, it's humour." Placing his book to the nearby table and turning the chair directly towards him, Severus asked, "Now, what were you thinking about? I've become so used to your presence that the previously comfortable silence is disturbing me. You were the one who spoiled me, so now it's your duty to satisfy my desire for noise and babble."

Laughing slightly, Remus replied, "I was just thinking about Sirius." His laughter died away as he said the words. He still missed his friend and lover, no matter how long time it had been since Sirius's death in the Department of Mysteries.

A slight sneer appeared on Severus's face; Sirius was a topic they'd never come to an agreement about. "Ah, the Headmaster's Golden Boy," he said. "Or should I say, one of the Golden Boys. Both Potters are the others, getting away with anything."

"You're still bitter about that incident on our fifth year, aren't you?" realized Remus.

"Why wouldn't I be?" the other man snorted. "Black almost got me killed, and you, too. I doubt the Ministry would have been merciful enough to put a werewolf to Azkaban, if that could be called mercy. And still, he got away from it after a bit of scolding. Do you call that justice?"

"He didn't get away with it," Remus said quietly. Suddenly, he felt bad in more than one way. How could he ever explain it to Severus? "Believe me, Severus, he paid for it. Paid dearly indeed."

"And how, may I ask?" snorted the Slytherin, clearly not believing him.

"Well, since Headmaster saw that he couldn't care less about what would happen to you," Remus said, "he decided to force Sirius face what could have happened to me."

Severus didn't say anything, he merely nodded, encouraging him to continue.

"Dumbledore got a magical record," the werewolf continued, his eyes wandering to the ceiling. "Of a real execution of a werewolf, by Ministry. It was a young girl, only seventeen, and she resembled me in a way - I think that Dumbledore did that on purpose."

"Figures that the person resembling you would be female," the Slytherin muttered. Remus shot him a glance, but didn't say anything. Soon, his eyes wandered back upwards.

"Dumbledore forced Sirius to watch it," he said softly. "Two hours a day, for two months. He couldn't turn his head, couldn't close his eyes. Whatever he did, he always saw - and heard."

"Didn't seem to affect him too much," the other man pointed out.

"That's because you never saw him in private. In public he kept up his tough mask as usual. But when nobody was around... Every time he came from his 'detention,' like they called it, he cried like the world had come to its end. He clung on me, asked a thousand times if I was real, if I was still alive. He apologized to me a thousand times, wouldn't let me leave his sight, watched my every step like the next one would throw me to the Ministry's hands. He had nightmares, he'd wake up in the middle of night screaming and sobbing, and would only calm down when we convinced him that I wasn't dead."

Severus nodded grimly. "Sounds like he really got punished."

"He really did," Remus said with the same soft tone as before. "In the end of it we were afraid that he'd lose it. He couldn't tell difference between me and the werewolf who'd been killed in the record. For a week he was convinced that I'd killed you and then I'd been executed, and I and you both were just ghosts wandering around, reminding him of what he'd done."

"Sounds just as insane as Black is usually."

Remus gave him a quick glare. "It isn't a thing to joke about," he said snappishly. "The point of this is that Sirius paid for his mistake, paid very dearly. He maybe hated you even more after it, but he has paid for what he did to you, despite all you might think."

"Fine," said Severus, with a surprisingly soft voice. "I believe you." For a moment, they were both quiet.

"You know," said Remus suddenly, breaking the silence, "that was what led us together. During one of his crying fits, he confessed his love to me. And I, well, I kissed him." Noticing the weird gaze Severus was giving to him, he said defensively, "What?"

"Nothing," the Slytherin replied, shaking his head slightly. "I was just thinking that that's just the usual Gryffindor behaviour. Rush into things your head first, ask questions later. Sounds bloody typical if you ask me."

"Well, fortunately I don't have to ask what you think of anything I do," replied Remus lightly.

Again, they were silent for some time. Then Severus suddenly said, "Show it to me."

"What?" asked Remus, slightly startled. "What do you mean?"

"Show it to me. Your memories of that time," said Severus. "I can see them with Legilimency, if you allow me that, but as you're a werewolf, I cannot penetrate your mind without your permission. So, I'm asking you to show them to me."

"I knew there was a reason I made friends with you," muttered Remus. "You know that it'd be more than polite to ask, even if you could snatch the memories by yourself, right? The penetration of mind required to find and see that many memories is forceful enough to be called a mental rape."

"I'm well aware of that," said Severus gloomily, and Remus immediately regretted his words. It was often easy to forget just how much they'd all been hurt in the War, mostly because he wanted to forget all that. Thus, he'd also forgotten that Severus had had his mind attacked and torn into pieces by Voldemort, who showed no mercy to traitors. It had been a miracle, a miracle caused by Merlin's grace and, by Albus's words, "Severus's stubbornness, which is too great to let him give up," that the man hadn't been turned into a babbling fool for the rest of his life. Most people would have been left to the state of little children after that - if they were lucky. More probably they'd just become insane and killed themselves.

However, Severus had come out of that hell. He knew everything there was to know about being the victim of "a mental rape," like Remus had called it. And now Remus had halfly accused him of doing that himself.

It was a pity that you couldn't pull words back. It was also a pity that biting his tongue into half wouldn't help any, either. Knowing both these facts, Remus stopped trying the latter, saying softly, "I apologize, Severus. I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry."

"Don't be," the Slytherin replied briefly. "I'm the one to blame, for saying it the wrong way. But anyway, will you show it to me?"

"Very well." Drawing a deep breath, Remus concentrated on the memories he wanted to show to Severus. Then, feeling the other man's mind probing his, he pushed the memories towards the other mind through the link of their locked eyes.

Severus fell into memories that were not his own, seeing the extreme punishment of his archenemy.

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Next Chapter:

If you can't guess, then how can you read?


	2. Memories

Disclaimer: Moi? Non!

A/N: This chapter is mainly just Sirius-torture.

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Punished

Chapter 2

Memories

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The first memory wasn't really a memory, it was just a picture Remus had collected from what Sirius had told him. Whatever he'd missed, it was certainly accurate enough to convince Severus of the fact that Sirius hadn't been just "scolded a bit."

* * *

They were in the Headmaster's office. Besides the two men observing the scene, there were three people in the room. Sirius was standing in front of the Headmaster's desk. Behind the desk sat Dumbledore himself, and Professor McGonagall stood next to the Headmaster.

"I can't get you expelled," Dumbledore said, his voice uncharacteristically cold and harsh. "That would require explanations, and explanations would cause problems to your friend Remus, who hasn't done anything wrong but has been the one who was hurt most."

Sirius shrank back. He felt both Dumbledore's and McGonagall's gazes locked on himself. There was no twinkle in the Headmaster's eyes now.

"I think this situation requires an extreme punishment," Dumbledore continued just as coolly. "You have to be made really understand what your whim could have caused. Therefore, you'll serve a detention every night for the next two months. In every detention, you'll be watching a special... record."

"What kind of record, Sir?" he dared to ask, trying to keep his voice calm but failing miserably.

"That you'll find out tomorrow afternoon," McGonagall snapped sharply. "I can only say that I'm extremely disappointed on you, Mr. Black. I would have expected better of you. Even though the punishment is indeed extreme, I think that you've deserved it in whole."

* * *

The next scene was in the Marauders' dormitory. James, Remus, and Peter were all sitting in their beds, anxiously waiting for Sirius to return from his detention.

At last, the floor flung open, and they all raised their eyes to the incomer. James drew a sharp breath of shock as he saw his best friend in the doorway, his face pale and traced with tears, his hands trembling and lips pressed tightly together. As they saw this, Peter was immediately on his pitying mode, and Remus forgot all thoughts about holding any grudge against Sirius.

Severus stared at them all and started to cry silently. "Oh, fuck, Moony," he sobbed, tears flowing down his cheeks. "I'm sorry... I'm so fucking sorry..." Then he started crying again, flung himself to his bed and lay there, his shoulders trembling with the waves of sobs that flew through him.

Remus glanced at James and Peter, who were both, like he, staring at Sirius in shock. They couldn't even imagine what could have broken their friend like that.

* * *

Later that evening, Remus raised his eyes at James, who sat down next to him on the werewolf's bed. "How is he?" he asked quietly. "He won't tell me anything about it. What it's all about?"

"They force him to watch a record," James said quietly. "It shows how the Ministry officials execute a werewolf. He says it's a girl in the record, about seventeen, and she looks almost just like you."

"Oh," Remus whispered, paling immediately. "That's... that's horrible."

"Yeah," James admitted, nodding grimly. "Obviously Dumbledore isn't going to let him flee without an extreme punishment."

"No, really," Remus said very quietly. He knew that record. He'd been forced to watch it before they'd let him attend to Hogwarts. Every summer, he had to watch it, and then they'd ask again whether he wanted to go to the school and possibly endanger his fellow students' and his own life. And every time, he'd replied, "Yes."

Once a year was much. Too much for him, almost. The realization that it was real, that it had really happened and could happen to him, was almost enough to tear him apart. Even if he only saw it once every year.

And Sirius would be forced to watch it every day for two months.

* * *

They woke in the middle of the night to a horrifying shriek.

"MOONY!" Sirius cried out, sitting up in his bed. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, I didn't realize, I was stupid and it was my fault and I'm so bloody fucking sorry..." Then he was crying again, sobbing incoherently all the time.

"Sirius?" James said warily, approaching his best friend's bed. "Sirius, what's the matter?"

"They killed Moony," the tall teen cried. "They killed my Moony, and it was my fault, all of it!" All were too shocked to even notice his use of a possessive form.

"They didn't kill him," the bespectacled boy said, trying to calm down the other boy. "Moony's all right, Sirius. It was just a bad dream."

"You lie," Sirius snapped bitterly, his face hid in his hands. "You all lie. You killed Moony. Moony is dead and it's my fault!"

"No, I'm alive," Remus said hoarsely, walking over to Sirius. "I'm alive, Paddy, I'm alive, and it was just a stupid nightmare..." He sat down next to the dark-haired boy.

"M - Moony?" Sirius sobbed, turning towards him. As he saw Remus, he flung himself to him, wrapping his arms around his neck, all the time crying. "Moony, tell me you're alive, tell me you won't go away..."

"Hush, Sirius," the werewolf replied gently. "I'm alive and I'm fine. I will be here, Siri. I won't leave you." He hugged Sirius back, rubbing his back soothingly. James and Peter just watched, unable to do anything to help their horribly scared friend.

Little by little, Sirius calmed down. He still clung on Remus, not allowing him to go.

"I'm so bloody fucking sorry," Sirius whispered into Remus's ear. "Can you forgive me?"

"I already forgave you," Remus replied gently. "Just forget it, Sirius."

"I can't forget it," Sirius whispered back. "They won't let me forget it."

Remus couldn't think of a response to that.

* * *

Another night. Another nightmare. Another cry.

Another time to convince your friend that you're truly alive.

"Don't leave me, Moony," Sirius whispered. "Don't leave me ever."

"I won't leave you," Remus promised softly. "Ever."

They were the only ones awake. James and Peter were already back sleeping, after making sure Sirius was all right and didn't need their help.

"Good," Sirius muttered and hugged him even tighter. "I couldn't bear it if I lost you. I would kill myself if you died."

"Don't say that," Remus said, horrified. "You don't mean that, Sirius."

"Yes, I do," Sirius said stubbornly. "I would die without you, I would want to die. I couldn't live without you."

"You're kidding," Remus said, chuckling softly. "You have other friends also. You and James are almost like brothers. You wouldn't die just because of me."

"Yes, I would," the other boy replied. He drew a bit backwards, locking his eyes at Remus. "I do love James and Pete, true. But I'm not in love with them."

Remus blinked, startled. "Excuse me?"

Sirius's eyes flew wide, and one of his hands flew to cover his mouth. "I'm sorry!" he cried out. "I didn't mean to say that! I - I'm sorry, Moony - please, just don't hate me -" His voice trailed off and he started crying again.

"How could I hate you?" Remus asked softly, drawing Sirius back nearer. "What are you babbling about, Siri?"

"I didn't mean it," Sirius said, his eyes clouded with tears. "I didn't mean it and I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry about everything!"

"What you didn't mean then, Sirius?" Remus asked firmly, determined to get a decent answer this time. "_What_ you're sorry about, for Merlin's sake?"

"I didn't..." Sirius drew a deep breath, then said softly, "I didn't mean to fall for you, Moony." He hid his face in his hands, shuddering as a new wave of tears hit him.

"Sirius?" Remus said a bit testingly. "Sirius, look at me."

Sirius raised his teary face towards Remus. "I'm sorry," he said for the umpteenth time.

"There's nothing to be sorry about," the werewolf said softly, then leaned forward to kiss Sirius.

Sirius replied the kiss, tasting salty with tears, but it was still Sirius, Sirius's lips under his, his arms around Sirius. And that was all Remus could ever ask for, for he'd been in love with his friend for longer than he could think of.

And then the kiss broke, and Remus looked gently at Sirius. "Tell me about it," he said, and they both knew what he meant.

"I can't," Sirius said quietly. "It's so horrible - I just can't. I deserve it, I deserve to have to watch it, but you did nothing wrong and I won't tell you about it!" His voice was growing frantic, and he again clung on Remus's arms, like wanting to stop him from leaving.

Like he could ever leave.

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A/N: The next chapter:

::chews lip:: Umm... What would you want? More Sirius-torture? Or a return to now and here, and a sweety ending?


	3. Conclusions

Disclaimer: Nope, I do not own them.

A/N: Yet another WIP finished. Yay! I'm working hard this week! (Screw the schoolwork, I have fics!)

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Punished

Chapter 3:

Conclusion

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It was again the time for Sirius's everyday "detention". This time, Remus had followed him, unknown by any of his friends and hidden under James's Invisibility Cloak. Therefore, he saw how Professor McGonagall led the boy he loved into a small room that had a familiar-looking crystal on one wall. A wizarding recording/presenting device. Also, he saw how Sirius had to sit in a chair facing the crystal and submit to being bound to it with numerous charms and spells. 

"And remember," McGonagall said grimly, "that this is what would have happened to your friend if James hadn't managed to save Severus." Then she flicked her wand, starting the record, and left the room.

Remus didn't watch the record, he couldn't bear himself to do that. He watched Sirius, whose eyes were locked at the cruel show, tears already flowing down the pale cheeks.

Sirius paled little by little until he was white as sheet. He bit his teeth together, trying to tear his eyes away but unable to do that, forced to watch until the time would be full. Remus himself felt slightly ill; even though he didn't watch the record, he still heard the sounds, and it was enough to give him a sickening feeling.

At last Remus couldn't bear it anymore. Dropping the hood of his cloak, he brought his face in front of Sirius's, his still invisible hands clutching gently his boyfriend's -- that was what Sirius was to him now, a boyfriend -- and leant forward. For a moment, Sirius looked terrified, as if not wanting to believe that it was true.

"Shh, Sirius, shh," Remus whispered. "It's me, Remus. I'm really here. Calm down. I'm not dying..." Then, making sure he was still between Sirius's eyes and the record, he leant even more forward, placing a gentle kiss on the other Gryffindor's lips.

Sirius responded to his kiss instantly, tears soaking his face. Yet he still couldn't close his eyes.

* * *

At last, they exited the memories. Remus's head swayed a bit, and he slumped back against the back of his chair. He was far less trained in Legilimency and Occlumency than Severus -- actually, he knew only the very basics, while Severus was a master of the subject -- and thus, their little "memory switch" had drained the werewolf much more than the Potions Master.

"Remus?" asked Severus quietly, halfly starting to rise from his own seat. "Are you all right?"

"I'm perfectly well, Severus, just a bit faint," he mumbled in response. "Just give me a few minutes, okay?"

"Whatever you say," replied Severus, although he looked doubtful. After looking thoughtful for a moment, he then added, "It's about the time we go to sleep, anyway. It's late already."

"If you say so," Remus said after collecting himself for a moment. He put his hands to the sides of his magical wheelchair, about to start moving, but Severus was on his side in a flash of a moment. Not asking for a permission nor waiting for one, he started to lead the werewolf towards their shared bedroom.

Once getting to the side of their bed, the Potions Master made a move to gather Remus into his arms and lift him to the bed. The werewolf wouldn't have any of that, of course, like he never agreed to this treatment.

"Believe me at last, Severus," he sighed in slight irritation. "I'm perfectly well. You don't have to treat me like a little child."

"And yet I wholly intend to do just that," the other man replied strictly. "Last time you tried to get to the bed by yourself you fell and hit your head on the floor, not that you'd remember, of course. You Gryffindors never seem to remember when your stupid antics have led into something disastrous. Poppy almost skinned me alive, thank Merlin there wasn't anything worse than a concussion wrong with you, even though that was certainly enough."

Oh, yes. They had indeed all suffered greatly in the War. Some Ministry's antiwerewolf fanatics had captured him and been in the process of killing him "the traditional way" when Severus had rushed in, taken down the four Aurors alone, and got Remus out of there. The part of the torture -- he simply refused to call such a long and painful thing simply an execution -- they had been on upon Severus's entering had been the cause of his inability to walk. At first hitting his bare legs and feet with a silver rod, the Aurors had then forced him to stand, hitting him with the rod every time he fell down. He'd truly been lucky not to lose his legs wholly, but they could never again bear the weight of his body.

Remus still remembered that those men had done the same to the tortured werewolf girl on the record. She had screamed. He hadn't. He'd just stood there, silent, biting his lip until it bled and hoping to any god or other higher power he could think of that Severus would come to save him. He hadn't hoped for "somebody" to save him, no, it'd been only Severus in his thoughts. Since if Severus hadn't come to save him, then nobody else would have.

So, he let his lover set him down to the bed, then started to undress himself. Severus sat down on the other side of the bed, also starting to take his clothes off. In no time, they lay together under the covers, both having an arm around the other's waist.

"Do you still believe that Sirius got out of it too easily?" Remus asked quietly.

"No," came the curt reply. Soon Severus continued, "I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like... Thinking that you were dying, or already dead, because of my actions. I wouldn't wish that fate to anyone, not even to Black." Then, with a slightly bitter tone, he added, "I would have liked to know that he indeed was punished, however. Thinking that Dumbledore valued a Gryffindor's happy school time over my life was one of the things that led me to the Death Eaters."

"But you beat that," reminded the werewolf, kissing gently the corner of the other man's lips. "You went into the devil's den, and you came out alive. Who else can claim to have done that?" However, when Severus opened his mouth to reply, he didn't give the Potions Master time for that. Instead, he kissed his lover now fully on the mouth, slipping his tongue inside.

Severus immediately responded to him. Soon they were too far gone to even remember the painful memories.

* * *

That was it. I thank you for your interest and hope you will read my fics in the future, too. 

::giggles:: I've been on a weird mood for about two weeks running now... Cheers to that!


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